After a long, hot summer, today is the day that we pack our son Roark’s bags for his departure to college. Tomorrow, he and I will fly up together and begin the settling in process for him at Acadia University, in Nova Scotia, Canada.
At 18, and after 7 years in Florida, Roark is ready to leave “home”. He’s looking forward to seasons again, as well as taking his first steps towards independence. Despite having told ourselves that “empty nesting” is a phase to which we are looking forward, it is becoming clear just how large a void Roark’s departure will leave behind.
There is so much that I want to tell him between now and Sunday, when I pull out of Wolfville and leave him behind. First and foremost are the feelings of intense love and profound pride in the young man that he has become. But more than that, I would like to mind-meld and share with him all that I’ve learned in my 47 years so that he is somehow protected against the harsh reality that can be life. A parent’s instinct is “To Preserve and Protect”, but there comes a time when that is no longer possible to do so directly. This is that time. I had hoped that helping Roark “launch” would feel empowering, but as I sit here on the cusp of his departure, I feel helpless at my inability to watch over him and remain his protector.
We raise our kids the best we can, giving them the tools that they need to be independent. Since Roark was an infant, the one tool that we have focused on, in anticipation of this day, is the ability to make the right decisions. “Ask yourself – is this the right thing to do or the wrong thing to do?”, has been a Suter mantra since the earliest days. There were no “rules” at our house, because there is no rulebook that anticipates every situation. It is the ability to differentiate between right and wrong choices that we hope to have instilled in both our kids, so that when we aren’t there to preserve and protect, they remember to ask themselves that question. If they do that, they’ll do the right thing.
I will miss him more than he knows.
That’s my .02…
Martin Suter
